Not Alone
by starbright
Summary: [Completed] Chapter 12 is up! Abby decided to stay in Chicago, but will she be able to be just friends with Carter and nothing more ? Take place during Tell Me Where It Hurts
1. Default Chapter

**Not Alone**

Summary: This takes place during and after "Tell Me Where It Hurts". It is a Carby fic, and it is hard to explain so just read

it!!! 

Disclaimer: I do not own ER

**Chapter 1**

 "Abby, why don't you go home early?" Carter said softly. He could see how worried she was about her brother, and she would be no use here. Abby looked up at Carter. "No, its fine," Abby whispered.

"Please Abby; I can get someone to cover your shift."

"Okay," said Abby as she started walking to the lounge.

"Abby…" Carter called delicately.

"Yeah?" Abby asked as she turned around.

"I'll be there to help you through all this."

"I know you will be," she said as she went into the lounge. Abby opened her locker. How could I not realize that something was wrong with Eric? I went through this with Maggie; I should have realized that Eric could have a mood disorder as well. Abby could still remember the look on Eric's face when he got arrested. _What kind of sister __am I? I should have realized earlier that he was Bipolar like Maggie, __Abby thought to herself as__ she slammed her locket shut, and left the lounge._

***

Later that night,

Abby looked at the bottle of wine that was right in front of her. Why did I buy that? Did I really think that having a drink was going to make all my problems go away; well, it would for a while. Abby then poured the drink into the glass. Just one glass that is all I need. She knew that she didn't really want it, and went and sat down on the couch. Abby tried to see if there was any news about Eric, but nobody would tell her anything.

"Oh John, please come home. I need you."

***

Later on that night,

 "Here's your order," the man stated, obviously bored, as he handed Carter a bag with some of Abby's favorite food. Carter paid the man, and left the fish and chip store.

He was so worried about her; he wanted to be right about Eric. Abby doesn't deserve to have go through this again; but she isn't alone anymore, I'll help her through it all.

Carter opened the door, and saw Abby sitting on the couch.

"Abby," was all he had to say before Abby turned around, and smiled slightly.

 "Hey, I tried calling you." Abby looked up at Carter. "I was on the phone."

 "Were you able to reach him?"

 "No" Abby stated in no more than a whisper.

 "I got some food," said Carter as he started walking to the kitchen. He saw the glass of wine and the open bottle on the counter. He wasn't mad at her; he didn't really care about the drinking right now. All he cared about was her being okay.

 "Thanks, but I'm not hungry." Abby noticed then that Carter was eyeing the open bottle of wine.

 "John… it's not what you think. I bought it on the way home from work.

I just thought it would make everything better, but I didn't drink any of it,"

Abby explained softly as she hugged Carter." You do believe me, don't you?

 "Of course I do," Carter reassured her as he and Abby went and sat down on the couch.

  "How could I not realize that something was wrong with my brother? I went thorough it with Maggie, I should have realized that he might have it too. Carter soothingly rubbed Abby's back.

"You didn't know."

 "But John….it's my fault that he got arrested, you should have seen the way he looked at me. He looked like I wanted him to get arrested.

 "Abby, none of this is your fault, remember that."

Abby looked up at Carter, and she could hardly believe how understanding he was

being.

 "Carter, I can't do this again. I did it with Maggie, and now I'm going to have to go through it with Eric." By this time, Abby had gotten up from the couch and started pacing around the room. "You are not alone anymore. I'm going to be here, with you, through it all."

Abby turned around. "Do you mean it?"

 "Yes, I'm here now and always"

Abby went up to Carter." Oh John, you don't know how much I need that right now, I need something to keep me going." Having mustered all her courage on that part, she sighed as she rested her head on Johns' chest. Abby then realized that she could get through this ordeal with her brother because she wasn't alone. She wasn't alone with John by her side. Not alone.

To be continued!!

Author's Note: I would like to thank my beta reader, as this fic wouldn't be as good as it is without her. I know a lot of people have done fics on this episode, but all well! 


	2. Chapter 2

Spoilers: If you have not seen any of Season 9, what happened in "First

Snowfall" did not happen in this fic.

Chapter 2

"Not Alone"

The next morning:

Abby woke up and saw Carter lying awake next to her.

"Morning John," Abby whispered as she sat up. Carter put his arms around Abby.

"Morning," he responded, lazily, looking at her. Abby turned and looked at the time, "I'm going to go call to see if there is any news about Eric," she said as she crawled out of bed. Carter had just gotten out of bed and was about to take his shower when Abby

called to him.

" John."   Carter turned around. In mock-seriousness, he replied, "Abby."

"Thank you for everything," Abby said as she hugged Carter.

"No problem, Abby."

***

Eric…He's my little brother and I have no clue where he is. What kind of sister am I that I don't know where he is? Well I'm the reason he got arrested, and he wouldn't be in this situation if I hadn't done this to him.

"Abby?"

  Abby turned around. "Oh John, why did I do this to my brother?"

Carter walked over to Abby. "You did nothing to your brother, and we are going help

him."

"We?" questioned, surprised. Abby could not believe that Carter was still here. Normally, every time there was a family problem, her current boyfriend would either have left by now, or would have gotten annoyed at her for spending so much time dealing with her family. Not Carter though, he was going to be here to help through it all.

"Yes, we. Did you really think I wasn't going to help you?" Carter, smiling, asked as he held Abby tightly.

"Oh, John, I know, but I do this on my own all the time."

"I know, you have in the past. Now, this time, you're not alone. We're doing this together." Carter delicately stated.

"Okay." she said.

"I have to get to work, but I'll see you tonight," he said as he leaned down and kissed Abby goodbye.

"John?"

"Yeah?," Carter asked as he turned around.

"I don't know what I would do without you."

"You don't have to know, Abby, because I'm not going anywhere."

Later that day,

Carter and Susan were in the lounge. "How are you and Abby doing?" Susan asked.

"Great," Carter replied, grinning. Chuny then entered the lounge, "Abby is on the phone. She says that she needs to talk to you,

Carter."

"Thanks Chuny." Carter called as he left the lounge.

"Abby, did you find out where he is?" Carter questioned as he sat down, the phone pressed to his ear.

"He is in Nebraska on an airbase there; I'm taking the 6 PM flight there," Abby answered.

"I get off at 8pm, but I'll get someone to cover my shift," Carter asserted her.

"John, no it's fine, I told you that I do this on my own all the time."

"Carter, we need you out here now," Kerry Weaver's demand interrupted the phone conversation.

"Bye, John. I'll call you when I get there," Abby said as Carter hang up the phone.

Carter then went and helped Kerry with a routine trauma.

After the trauma,

"Kerry, I need a few days off," Carter stated, his eyes making up for his words.

"Well…" Kerry said softly, thinking.

"Just 2 days at the most," Carter said, helping his case.

"Okay," Kerry replied with reluctance in her softening voice.

"Thank you, Kerry."

***

The next day,

Abby sighed. She had found Eric at the Nebraska airbase and a more surprising visitor… Maggie.

"Abby," Maggie stated softly. Abby looked up, and saw her mom standing in front of her.

"Hey," she said as she got up from where she had been sitting.

"Abby, don't so this."

"Mom, he told you, and not me about his illness. How am I supposed to feel?"

"He didn't want you to know," Maggie explained delicately.

"I know more about this illness than you do," Maggie continued, softly.

"Yeah, I forgot," said Abby "Don't you think he would want someone with more stability? Why let him worry that you'll leave him?

 He doesn't need that, too."

"Abby, I have been on my meds everyday for the past two years. Why must you do this all the time?" Abby started to walk away from Maggie.

"Abby, don't leave like this."

"Mom, just leave me alone," Abby cautioned, clearly stressed.

"I'll go get us a room," was Maggie's only reply as she walked away from her daughter.

"Abby," a voice called softly.

"I told you to leave me alone," Abby turned around, and smiled slightly.

"John!" she walked over to him, and without saying anything, held him tightly.

"Are you okay?" Abby looked up at Carter. "John, I need you," she admitted delicately. Holding her had, Carter went and sat down.

"Abby, I'm here for you." Abby rested her head on Carter's chest and listened to his heart until she heard an intake of breath and words.

"What happened?"

"Eric told Maggie that he was bio-polar, but he didn't tell me."

"Maybe he didn't want to worry you, especially after what you had to deal with  Maggie when you were a child."

"He's my little brother, and he didn't even want to see me." Carter saw by the look on her face that she was dying inside, and he wished that he could help her somehow; but he knew that this pain was something that even an experienced doctor, like himself, couldn't fix with anything but love and understanding.

"I know, and I'm sure he'll talk to you later," Carter mused.

 Abby wanted to stay in Carter's arms forever, where her family and their problems couldn't hurt her.

"Let's get a hotel room," Carter suggested as he stood. "I already got us some rooms," Maggie said as she walked up to Carter and Abby.

 "But I didn't know we had an extra person." Maggie looked at her daughter, and she could see that she was happy that Carter was here.

"Its nice to see you again, Mrs. Wyczenski"

"Call me Maggie."

  Carter squeezed Abby's hand reassuringly and she knew that he was there for her. Maggie looked at her daughter and could see that Carter was more than a friend.

"Come on, let's get a room," Carter prompted as he put his arms around her, and they walked to the hotel.

During the night,

Abby tossed and turned.

  "Abby?" Carter asked as he turned to her. "Are you okay?"

 "I don't know if I can do this anymore," Abby admitted. "I just want to leave and not look back."

"Abby. Shh, don't think about it tonight; just try to get some sleep,"

Carter tenderly instructed as he touched her face.

 "John, why did you come here?" Abby asked with a questionable look on her face.

"Abby, I'm here for you, that's why." Abby didn't want to tell him, but the minute that she saw him tonight, she knew that she was going to be able to deal with her family because she had someone to lean on.

"I know, you are, and you don't know how much that means to me,"

Abby sighed as Carter held her tightly. She laid her head on his

chest, and he started to stroke her hair.

"Everything is going to be okay, Abby," he whispered, noticing that she was quickly falling asleep.

"Goodnight, Abby," Carter lovingly whispered as he turned off the light.

To be continued!!!


	3. Chapter 3

 **Not Alone**

**  Chapter 3**

Abby woke up and saw Carter sleeping next to her.  "It wasn't a dream, he really is here," Abby thought to herself. 

"John," Abby whispered, not sure if he was awake.

"Morning," Carter replied, smiling as he put his arms around Abby.

"I thought I was dreaming that you were here," Abby admitted.

"No, I'm right here," Carter chuckled gently as he leaned over and kissed her. 

"When do you have to go back?" Abby questioned as she got out of bed.

"I have to leave tonight," Carter answered her, as he too crawled out of the bed. "Oh--," Abby was about to continue, when there was a knock at the door.

 "I'll get it." Abby mumbled, wondering who it could be.

 "Hi mom," she said after she had opened the door and

Maggie had walked into the motel room.

"Eric's hearing is at 11am," Maggie informed her, looking around almost nervously.

"Okay, I'll be there," Abby said, with a slight tone of annoyance in her voice, which she always got when dealing with her mother. 

"Thanks," Maggie called as she walked out of the room. 

Carter walked over to Abby. "I'll come with you to the hearing," 

"No, it's fine, I really need to do this on my own," Abby truthfully admitted.

"Alright, but only if you're sure…." Carter reluctantly relented.

"I'm sure, Carter."

Abby went and had a shower, and when she was done, Carter was standing with a cup of hot coffee, waiting for her.

"I thought you might need this," he said, handing it to her.

 "Yes, thank you." Abby said, very matter-of-factly. Carter leaned over and kissed Abby. 

 "I'll be here when you get back."

"I know," Abby said picking up her keys, and leaving the room.

Later,

 Abby returned to the hotel room, and she couldn't believe what Carter had done. 

 "John," she said as she walked in and shut the door behind her.

"I thought you might be hungry," Carter said sheepishly.

Abby looked at the breakfast in front of her, "Good guess," she said, sitting down.

"So…do I have to ask how it went?" Carter wondered with the adorable questioning look on his face that he only showed Abby.

For a moment Abby forgot why she was here. 

"Eric…?" Carter prompted gently.

"He isn't going to jail, which is good. I don't know what's going to happen to him, though. I mean, will he stay on his medication, or will he follow in Maggie's footsteps? What will happen to him?" Abby questioned, looking rather distraught.

Carter stood up and walked over to Abby.

"Why don't we do something to get your mind off your worries for just a while," he suggested as he grabbed Abby's hand.

"Okay," Abby replied, and with that, Carter and Abby left the hotel room.

** 

"I thought that there would at least be something for us to do here," Carter said, disappointedly. 

"John, its fine, really. This was…fun." Abby reassured him.

"At least I got you to forget about your troubles for just a while."

"Awhile," Abby smiled, but inside she thought, 'but they'll always be here.'

Abby's cell phone rang.

"Sorry," she said as she picked up her cell phone. 

"Okay, I'll be there in a minute," said Abby as she hanged up the phone. 

"Maggie needs me to see her," Abby said, looking upset.

"Okay, I'll see you back at the hotel." Carter said as he walked away.

*** 

Later that day, Carter was packing his suitcase when Abby entered the room. Carter turned around.

"So what did your mom want?" he asked as he walked over to her, concerned by the look on her face, pure sadness.

"She wanted to tell me that Eric still doesn't want to see me, "Abby said softly.

Carter could hear the sadness in her voice, too, but wasn't sure what he could do to help her, besides just being there for her to talk to.

 "I'm sorry, "Carter whispered as he hugged Abby.

"Don't be sorry. What is there to be sorry for? My brother doesn't want to see me. So what?" Abby said, trying to sound like she didn't care, but Carter knew from her voice and body language that she really did care, more than she would ever let on.

As she finished saying this, she stepped quickly into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her, leaving Carter staring after her, worried. Thinking quickly, Carter made up his mind and picked up the phone, dialing the all too familiar number of the hospital.

When the phone was answered, Carter was somewhat relieved and disappointed to find that it was Kerry who had answered the phone. 

"Kerry, hi, its Carter. Do you think I could get a few more days off?" Carter asked hopefully.

"Carter, listen. I'm sorry, I really do wish I could help you, but we're really busy and could use you back here as scheduled." Kerry said in what, for her, was a more gentle voice.

"Okay. Uh, thanks anyway. I'll be in later tonight," John said, disappointedly hanging up the phone. 

Abby, who had, by now, opened the bathroom door a little bit, had heard the whole conversation. 'I really don't deserve him,' she thought as she walked out of the bathroom.

"Hey," he said surprised to turn around and see her there.

Abby looked at Carter and saw that he was getting ready to leave. 

"You have to leave now?" she asked, hoping his answer would be 'no.'

"Yeah, sorry but my flight is an hour," Carter replied, looking upset that he had to leave her. Abby put her arms around Carter.

"'I'll miss you," she said honestly. 'I can't believe I said that,' she thought. Carter leaned over and kissed Abby. "I'll miss you too, " he replied, smiling sadly as he walked out of the room.

It was then that Abby realized that she was alone again…

To be continued!!!

 Author's Note: I know this doesn't seem that excellent and that isn't that original, but I promise you it will soon! 

****

I know that this probably doesn't belong here, but, this is a BETA NOTE: I'm Amanda and I beta this story for the author. I just want to say sorry to its readers, and the author, that it has taken me so long to beta it, and that it won't ever take that long again! And also, the reason it hasn't been updated is because I've had it for almost a month, and it's my fault! So, I'm sorry its taken this long and I hope you enjoyed this. Remember…I am ONLY the BETA. This message may not reflect the author's opinion….keep that in mind! 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 ****  
  
Not Alone   
  
Abby was on the plane home to Chicago. She sighed. She thought that she would be coming back with Eric and Maggie, but it didn't turn out that way. She started to remember what happened yesterday.   
  
*Flashback*   
  
_"Abby, we don't need to come home to __Chicago__ with you. Eric is going to be fine in Minnesota." __  
  
"Mom, how can Eric be fine with you? He needs stability and I don't think you have that. You just need to stay in Chicago with me for a while until Eric gets used to the disease and knows what he needs to do about it."   
  
"No, I'm taking him home with me," Maggie said, as she and Eric left, leaving Abby alone. _  
  
"Miss, do you want a drink?" said the flight attendant, interrupting Abby's thoughts.   
  
"No, thanks." Abby looked at the old married couple next to her.   
  
"Going on vacation?" the old woman asked.   
  
"No, actually I'm going home."   
  
"Oh, that would be nice. You miss your boyfriend, don't you?" the woman asked. Abby looked up at the woman, and smiled.   
  
"How did you know?"    
  
"I can see it in your eyes. So how long have you been away?"   
  
"2 days."   
  
The woman laughed. "I remember when my husband and I were like that. We've been married for 25 years now."   
  
"Really? That is a long time!" Abby said. Will John and I ever be like that? Will we still be together in 25 years? Abby hoped that John and her could end up like that, but she knew that they couldn't. Carter deserves better than her, as her family is always going to be a problem, always needing her help.   
  
***   
A few hours later,   
  
Abby walked into the ER. "Is John here?" Susan looked up. "Abby, you're back. How did everything work out?"   
  
"I don't really want to talk about it; do you know where John is?" Abby asked, with this sad look on her face.   
  
"He's in the lounge."   
  
"Thanks," Abby said, as she walked into the lounge. She called out Carter's name. He turned around with this big smile on his face.   
  
"You're home!!" he said, excited as he went up to her, and hugged her. It felt so good to be in his arms again, she thought to herself as she rested her head on his chest. If only he could make all the problems go away.   
  
Carter looked at Abby. He was so glad that she was home, but he could sense that there was something different about her, that there was more sadness. Carter leaned over and kissed her. "I'm so glad that you are home."   
  
"It has only been two days since you last saw me. It hasn't been months."   
  
"I know, but I still miss you," Carter smiled, as they sat down on the couch. "So what happened with Eric?" Carter asked.   
  
Abby just looked at him, got up from the couch, and walked towards the lockers, looking down on the ground. Carter got up from the couch and walked up to her.   
  
"What's wrong?"   
  
She turned around. "He went home with her," she said with this sad tone in her voice. She paused for a moment. "The one person that can't help him. He needs stability, but he isn't going to get it with her."   
  
 Carter took her hand and intertwined it with his. "I'm so sorry. I don't want to see you go through this. But you just have to hope that he's going to be okay. Because he is, Abby. He's going to be okay." Abby looked up at him and saw only reassurance in his eyes, daring her to believe that everything was going to turn out alright. She slowly slipped her arms around him and drew him into a tight embrace.  
  
"I wish you were right."   
  
Carter's pager went off. "I have to go back to work. Are you going to be okay?" Carter asked, concerned. "I can get Susan to cover for me, and we can go out for coffee and pie."   
  
"No, I'll be fine. I'm going to go home, I'll see you later," she said, as she leaned over and kissed him, and then walked out of the lounge into the night.   
  
A few weeks later,   
  
Abby walked into her apartment and was making herself something to eat when the phone rang.   
  
"Hello," she said, as she picked up the phone.   
  
"Abby, its mom."   
  
"Hi," Abby said in no more than a whisper.   
  
"Eric wants to talk to you."   
  
"Hi, Abby. I am sorry about leaving you like that, but I just couldn't let you see me like mom was in our childhood."   
  
"I know, but you are my brother. I love you."   
  
"I know, you do, Abby. I'm fine, I'm taking my meds, everything will be okay.   
  
Everything will be okay until the next time, Abby thought to herself.   
  
"I'll give you back to Mom," Eric said. Abby sighed. She didn't want to deal with her family anymore.   
  
"Abby, are you still there?"   
  
"Yes, mom. I have to go now. I have an early shift," she lied as she hung up the phone.   
  
Abby went, sat on the couch and just sighed. She looked at the clock, and saw that it read 9:00. John will be home soon, she thought to herself as she turned on the TV  and flipped through the channels aimlessly.  
  
**   
  
Later that night.   
  
Abby was lying in bed next to Carter. "Is everything okay?" Carter asked, concerned. She turned around and faced Carter. "I talked to Eric today."   
  
"That is great news," Carter said, as he leaned and put his arms around her. "I told you that he just need some time and then he would talk to you again."   
  
Abby looked at Carter. She knew that he was trying to help and understand her family. But nobody could, not now or ever.   
  
Abby smiled. "For now, he is okay…until the next time. What happens if both of them go off the meds, who is going to help them?"   
  
"Abby, I know it is hard, but just try to let go and forget everything. Try to get some sleep."   
  
  
"Okay, I'll try," Abby said. "Goodnight John." Carter leaned over and kissed her.   
  
"Goodnight Abby," he said, as he turned off the light.   
  
Abby waited until she was sure that Carter was sleep before she got out of the bed and got dressed. She walked into the living room and had to do the hardest thing she ever had to do. She picked up a piece of paper and started to write. It took about half an hour before she finished it; she had to rewrite tons of times. She never thought it could be this hard to write a note.   
  
She walked into the room, went up to Carter, leaned over, and softly kissed him on the forehead.   
  
"I have to do this," she whispered to Carter before she left the room.   
  
Then she was gone.   
  
To be continued!!**

Author's Note: Sorry it took me months to update this story, but I decided to start writing the story again.So for those that read this before, please review again, and people just reading it, please review. The more reviews I can, the faster I will update!!


	5. Chapter 5

Not Alone   
  
Chapter 5   
  
  
The next morning…   
  
Carter's alarm clock went off. He looked at the time and saw that it said 8:00 am.   
  
"We should get ready for work, or we are going to be late, Abby," he said, turning over to her side of the bed. That's when he saw that she wasn't there.   
  
He climbed out of bed, and walked towards the kitchen. "Are you making breakfast?" Carter called to her. But she wasn't there either.   
  
I guess she went to work early, thought Carter to himself. That was when he saw a letter with his name on it. He opened it and read it.   
  
Dear John,   
  
I'm really sorry to do it like this, but this was the only way. I wish I could have told you this to your face, but I know that if I did, I wouldn't have been able to leave.   
  
Don't go looking for me, I just need some time to figure some things out that I couldn't do there in Chicago, but this has nothing to do with you… you are the only thing in my life that make sense right now.   
  
Love,   
  
Abby   
  
  
  
Carter put the letter down on the desk, but he couldn't stop thinking about it. Why did Abby have to leave, what were some of the important things that she needed to figure out? There were many unanswered questions he wanted to know, but he didn't know when or if he would ever find out the answers to any of them.   
  
He walked into the bathroom and went to take his shower.   
  
***   
  
Later that day, Carter was in the lounge when Kerry entered.   
  
"Where is Abby?" Kerry questioned. Carter looked up at Kerry. "She has some family problems that she needs to deal with"   
  
"Tell her to call me and tell me how long she is going to be, or she isn't going to have a job to come back to!" she barked.   
  
Carter smiled. "Will do," he said as he got up from the chair, walked to his locker, and put his lab coat on.   
  
If only I knew where she is, thought Carter. He didn't realize how much he missed her. He missed everything about her, her smile and the way that she laughs.   
  
If only she had told me that she was feeling this way, that she needed to get out of town, I would have been able to help her. What if she never returns back to Chicago, and I have lost her forever? he thought to himself as he walked out of the lounge.   
***   
  
Meanwhile,   
  
Abby walked into the hotel, and put her bag on the floor. "Hi, one room please."   
  
"We just have one room left."   
  
"I'll take that," Abby said, as she handed the receptionist her credit card.   
  
"How many days will you be staying here?" Abby sighed. She didn't even think that far, all she knew that she needed to get out of town. Carter deserve much better than her, she was going to help Carter understand that. She didn't want to leave him, but it was for the best.   
  
"Miss…how many days?" the receptionist asked, snapping Abby out of her thoughts.   
  
"2 days for now."   
  
"Okay," said the receptionist as she handed Abby her keys. "Thanks," said Abby as she headed to her hotel room.   
  
Abby put her bags on the bed and laid down. She sighed. She couldn't believe that she just left Chicago like that. Her life was there, her job, and Carter. She smiled as she thought about Carter, and everything that he did for her, but one day he was going to get sick and tired of dealing with her family. She knew that she needed to talk to Carter. She missed him so much.   
  
She picked up her phone, and dialed his number.   
  
"Hello," he said. Abby was so happy to hear his voice.   
  
"It's me. Abby."   
  
"Where are you?" was the first thing that Carter asked. She wanted to tell him, but she knew if she did, he would come here, and she didn't want that. She needed some time to think about what she wanted to do with their relationship and her life. "John, I can't tell you. I just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you."   
  
"Then come home." He wanted to tell her that he missed her too, but decided against it.   
  
"I can't come home yet; I need time to sort something out. I will be home as soon as I can." She paused for a moment. "I love you, John."   
  
"Abby, do you really need to be away from Chicago to sort these things out? Why can't you do it here?"   
  
"I can't, please understand. I should let you go now," Abby said, clearly upset.   
  
"I love you too, Abby. Is there anything I can do for you?" Carter asked. Abby couldn't believe how kind and understanding he was being.   
  
"No, just remember I love you, no matter what happens later on."   
  
"Abby, what are you talking about? You're only going to be away for a few days right?"   
  
"I don't know," was Abby's only response. "Bye," she said as she hung up the phone.   
  
Abby sighed as she sat down. Do I really know why I left? she thought to herself. She smiled as she thought about Carter again. But how long will he wait for me, how long will I stay away? So many questions, but no answers to them. Abby got up from her seat and started to get ready for bed.   
  
Maybe a good night's sleep will make everything okay, she thought to herself as she slowly began to drift asleep.   
  
***   
The next day at the ER,   
  
Carter walked out of the lounge when he saw Kerry come towards him.   
  
"John, this is our new nurse."   
  
"What?" he said confused. "You fired Abby?!" snapped Carter. Kerry took Carter to the side. "John, I didn't fire Abby, she is away for two weeks. She has gone on her vacation; I thought you would know that. So we needed a temporary nurse."   
  
"I did," Carter said, as he walked away from Kerry. He couldn't believe that Abby phoned County. That must mean she will be back soon; she just needs to be away for a while, he thought to himself as he was walking into the room.   
  
"Morning, John," Susan said. Carter smiled. "Hi," he said as he opened up his locker. A picture fell out of his locker of him and Abby. Susan picked up the picture.   
  
"I heard about Abby taking some time off, is there trouble with her family again?" Susan asked concerned. Carter went silent and didn't say anything.   
  
"This has nothing to do with her family, Abby left town a couple of days ago. She left me a note that she needed some time to sort some things out, but I don't know if she is coming back or not."   
  
"I'm sorry, John," Susan said. She could see that Carter was missing Abby. "I'm sure that she will come back as soon as she can. She loves you too much to walk away from you forever."   
  
Carter smiled. I hope you are right, he mumbled under his breath. Suddenly Susan's pager went off. "I have to go now, but if you need someone to talk to, you can call me," Susan said, walking out of the lounge.   
  
  
  
A few days later,   
  
Carter was working on a trauma when Jerry entered the exam room. "Carter, Abby's mom is on the phone. She wants to talk to you. She's on line one." Carter turned around. "Maggie wants to talk to me?"   
  
"I guess so," Jerry said. " She wants to know if you know where Abby is."   
  
"Tell her that I don't know," Carter replied, as she went back to his patient.   
  
"She seemed really upset," Jerry said. Susan looked at Carter, "Go talk to her, I can finish up here.   
  
Abby isn't even here, and I'm still dealing with her family, he thought to himself as he walked out of the exam room and picked up the phone.   
  
"Hello," Carter said softly, not sure if Maggie was manic or just upset about Abby.   
  
"John, I'm sorry to disrupt at work, but I have been calling Abby for a few days, and she won't pick up. I called her apartment, she isn't there, and then I called to speak to her here at the hospital, but they said that she wasn't there… so I thought you would know where she is," Maggie said, clearly upset.   
  
"Maggie, Abby is fine, just calm down." Carter said "I'm not sure where she is, but I know that she is fine."   
  
Maggie started to calm down and he could tell that she was okay now.   
  
"I have to get back to work."   
  
"Did Abby leave town?" questioned Maggie. Carter didn't say anything, so Maggie took that as a yes.   
  
"I got to go. Bye," he said as he hung up the phone.   
  
**   
Abby had just got back from shopping, and she turned on her cell phone to see if there were any messages. There was 1 message from Susan, and 5 messages from Maggie.   
  
She listened to Susan's message, which asked her to call her back. I guess she found out I left town, Abby thought to herself. Suddenly the phone rang. "Hello," Abby said.   
  
"Why did you leave Chicago?"   
  
To be continued!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Not Alone**   
  
Chapter 6   
  
  
  
Abby couldn't believe it. "How did you know that I'm not in Chicago, Mom?"   
  
"I've been trying to get a hold of you, but I couldn't so I phoned your work and talked to John."   
  
"He told you I left," Abby said. She couldn't believe that John told Maggie, he knew how much she didn't need her mom interfering with her life.   
  
"Abby, John didn't tell me anything, I guessed. Why did you leave John and Chicago behind?"   
  
Abby sighed. She couldn't deal with her mom right now. "I just left town to sort things out."   
  
"But Abby why? John is a wonderful man. He has been there with you for everything with me and Eric."   
  
"I know, Mom." That is the reason I am doing this, Abby thought to herself.   
  
"Mom, I really need to go now, bye." Abby was about to hang up the phone when her mom stopped her. "Abby, wait. I don't know why you left Chicago, but I think you should go back and be with John. You can't lose a guy like that; you will never find someone like that again."   
  
Abby smiled. "Thanks for the advice."   
  
"Bye," Abby said as she hung up the phone and sighed. Just what I needed, my mom telling me what to do with my life. I need to get out of here, Abby thought to herself as she grabbed her jacket and left the hotel.   
  
**   
About a half an hour later,   
  
Abby was driving around the block when she saw a diner nearby, and she decided to stop to get something to eat. She walked into the diner, and walked up to the stool, and sat down.   
  
"What would you like?" the waitress asked. Abby looked at the menu. "A coffee and a ham sandwich."   
  
"Okay I will be back with your order," the waitress said.   
  
A while later,   
  
"You aren't from around here, are you?" the waitress asked. Abby shook her head.   
  
"Visiting family or friends?"   
  
"Neither." The waitress looked at Abby. "Having boyfriend problems are we? I have been there before. What did he do cheat on you, lie to you since the start of the relationship?"   
  
Abby laughed. "No, not any of them. He is the best boyfriend I have ever had. He is sweet, caring..."   
  
"What are you doing here alone when you could be with him?" the waitress laughed.   
  
"I just need some time away," Abby said.    
  
"So what do you do?" the waitress asked, as she poured Abby another cup of coffee. "I'm a nurse."   
  
Abby couldn't believe that she was telling a total stranger about her life. A half an hour later, Abby stood up. "Well I should be getting back to my hotel, it was nice talking to you Julie."   
  
"How long are you going to be here?" Julie called out to Abby as she was getting her jacket. She turned around. "I don't know yet."   
  
"Come back here whenever you want."   
  
"Thanks," she smiled as she walked out of the diner.   
  
  
  
**   
A few days later at County,   
  
Susan was sitting in the lounge when Carter walked into the lounge. "Hi," she said. Carter looked up. "Hey Susan," he said as he walked up to his locker, put his lab coat away, and put his jacket on.   
  
"I talked to Abby yesterday," Susan said. Carter turned around. "How is she?"   
  
Susan stood up. "I can see you love her, so why don't you tell her that?"   
  
"Haven't you forgotten that Abby isn't in town? What do you want me to do, search the whole county for her? She could be anywhere."   
  
Susan took a piece of paper out of her pocket. "She told me where she is staying, she is staying in Springfield."  
  
Carter looked at Susan. "That is nice, what do you think I am going to do about it? She told me that she wanted some time by herself to sort things out, and that is exactly what I am giving her."   
  
Susan put the piece of paper in his hand. "Don't pass up this chance. What happens if Abby decided not to come back and she moves out of Chicago? Wouldn't you regret letting Abby go without a fight?"   
  
Susan looked at her watch. "I got to get back to work, but think about what I said," she said as she walked out of the lounge.   
  
Carter was still holding the piece of paper with the address where Abby was staying. He sighed and just threw the piece of paper in the trash can.   
  
But suddenly Carter had a second thought and took the piece of paper out of the trash, just in case he changed his mind later on.   
  
  
**   
  
The next day,   
  
  
Abby was sitting on her bed watching TV, thinking about what she was going to do about her relationship with Carter. She picked up the phone and dialed a number.   
  
"Hello?"   
  
"Hey Susan, it's me Abby."   
  
"Is everything okay?" Susan asked, as she could tell that something was bothering Abby.   
  
Abby sighed. "I don't know, Susan. I thought with me being away that I would be able to sort things out and realize what I want to do, but I am more confused about me and Carter."   
  
"What are you so afraid of Abby? "Susan asked.   
  
"I'm not afraid of anything; I just think Carter and me aren't going to work out. We are two different people, it could never last, I should have realized that at the beginning, but I was just so happy being with him."   
  
"If you know all this, why are you asking me what to do?" Susan questioned Abby.   
  
"I really don't know."   
  
"Are you coming back to County, or are you really leaving Chicago for good?" Susan asked. Abby sighed." I know I have to come back to Chicago to talk to John, but that is all I have thought so far."   
  
"Abby, we miss you here at County. The nurse that Kerry got temporary while you are away doesn't really know what she is doing. Please come back, we need you!" Susan laughed.   
  
"You are the one that misses me, aren't you?"   
  
Susan laughed. "Maybe." Suddenly there was a knock at Abby's door. "I got to go now."   
  
"Bye," Abby said, as she hung the phone up. The person knocked at the door again.   
_I didn't call room service, I wonder who it is? she thought to herself._   
  
She looked through the peephole, and couldn't believe who it was.   
  
"What are you doing here, Carter?"   
  
To be continued!!


	7. Chapter 7

Not Alone   
  
Chapter 7   
  
  
Abby was shocked at Carter's presence. There are only two people that know where I am, Susan and my mom. _One of them must have said something,_ she thought to herself.   
  
"John," was the only thing that she could say to him as she walked away from him. He followed her inside. "I know you didn't want me to find you, but I had to."  
  
Abby turned around. "Why couldn't you listen to me then? I told you I needed time to myself to sort stuff out," she said, as she walked away from him and sat down on the bed. Suddenly she turned around. "How did you find me anyhow?"   
  
He hesitated a moment. "Susan told me."   
  
Carter walked up to her and sat down. "I know you didn't want me to find you, but I had to see if I could find out what wrong, and see if maybe I could help."   
  
Abby looked at Carter. "You are always going to want to fix me. That's all you've ever wanted to do with me."   
  
"That's not what I meant, Abby, and you know it. I love you, Abby. I just want to help you."   
  
Abby looked at Carter in disbelief and she couldn't believe what he just said. She couldn't deal with it, not right now. "Just go Carter, I don't want or need you here," she shouted, as she walked into the bathroom and slammed the door.   
  
Carter looked at Abby shocked. He didn't know what he did wrong. I know that she didn't want me to find her, but I had to. She's the best thing in my life, and I don't want to lose her, he thought to himself.   
  
He knocked on the bathroom door. "Abby, open the door, we need to talk, whatever is bugging you, I want to help. Is it something to do with your family?"   
  
"Go, John, now!!"   
  
  
**   
  
An hour later,   
  
Abby finally got out of the bathroom and saw that Carter was gone. She couldn't believe it. He really left. What I have done now? she thought to herself.   
  
She walked out of the room to see if maybe his car was there, but the only car that was in the parking lot was hers.   
  
"John, I do love you. That is the reason I can't be with you," she whispered to herself, as she walked back into the hotel room. Suddenly Abby saw something on the bed; it was a letter with her name on it. She sat down on the bed and opened it up.   
  
**_Dear Abby, _****_  
  
I'm sorry that I came to find you when you told me that you needed some time on your own. I know now that I shouldn't have done that. You will come back to _****_Chicago_****_ and to me if you want to, but I can't make you. _****_  
  
You are really important to me, Abby. These past few months have been great with you. I don't know why you thought you had to leave, but there must have been a reason.   
  
I will always love you, Abby Lockhart.   
  
Love,   
  
John   
_**  
Abby put down the letter; she couldn't believe what he wrote. Suddenly tears started to fall down on her cheek, she was more confused now than ever.   
  
  
  
**   
  
I don't want or need you here.   
  
Carter kept on going over his conversation with Abby in his head as he was driving back to Chicago.   
  
_Why could I just leave everything alone and not go try to find her_, Carter thought to himself, but he knew the reason that he went. He loved her, and he wanted her to come home with him.   
  
  
Suddenly his cell phone rang. Since he was barely able to concentrate enough to keep the car on the road right now, he decided it would be best to pull over onto the shoulder while he talked. He prayed it wasn't someone important. He didn't know how long he would be able to keep himself together before he broke down.   
  
   
"Hello?" he said.   
  
"Hey John, its Susan. So did you find Abby and did you get her to come home?" she asked, excited.   
  
"I found her, and we talked, but she didn't really want me there, and there was no way that I could get her to come back with me. I didn't even get that far to ask her."   
  
Susan sighed. "Why didn't you ask her to come back to Chicago with you? I know you love her."   
  
"Susan this has nothing to do with whether I love her or not. She told me to leave her alone, so I don't think she would have listened if I asked her to come back with me," Carter explained.   
  
"But John, you should have stayed there and talked to her more. I'm sure you could have convinced her to come home with you."   
  
"Why would I stay if she didn't want me?"   
  
"Abby doesn't even really know why she left town. I know that she still loves you, John. I don't think that is the reason that she left," Susan said.   
  
"What is the reason then?"   
  
"I don't know, Carter."   
  
"Susan, I know you are trying to help, but there is nothing that I can do now. I have to go."   
  
"Everything is going to work out." Susan said.   
  
"I hope so" Carter mumbled under his breath. He then hung up the phone. He just wished that he could had talked to Abby some more and figured out exactly why she left town. But there was nothing he could do now expect go back to Chicago and just hope that she returned home soon.   
  
If not I lost the only woman that I could ever truly love.   
  
  
**   
  
Later that night,   
  
  
Back at the hotel,   
  
Abby was lying on the bed thinking about Carter and everything that happened. She never thought that Carter would come and find her and tell her that he loved her. It was going to be harder for her to break up with him, but she knew that she had to do it sooner or later, and she'd prefer sooner.   
  
This is going to be better for you if you aren't with me, Abby whispered to herself. She rolled over and saw Carter's letter sitting on the bed. She reached over and picked it up, staring at the one sentence that made her melt.   
_  
I'll always love you Abby Lockhart_   
  
She started to cry and laid her head on the pillow. Softly she whispered to herself. "I will always love you too, John."   
  
**   
The next morning,   
  
Abby walked into the diner, and Julie waved at her. "You want your usual?"   
  
Abby smiled. "Do I come in here that often?" Julie laughed, as Abby put her jacket on the coat rack, and walked up to Julie.   
  
"I wouldn't say you come in all the time. I guess when you work in a diner every day for so many years you get to know everybody's order."   
  
A few seconds later, Julie came in with Abby's coffee. "Now, you been in town for a week or so, haven't you?"   
  
Abby nodded.   
  
"I'm sure that you haven't traveled much into town, so after my shift, I am going to show you what is best about Springfield!"   
  
Abby smiled. "That is nice of you, but I am going back to Chicago."   
  
To be continued!!


	8. Chapter 8

**Not Alone **

Summary: Abby leaves town, thinking it is best for Carter, but now she has return to Chicago to talk to Carter.

**Chapter 8 **

"Chicago?" Julie asked. "Isn't that where you said you were from?"

Abby nodded. She couldn't believe that she was thinking of going back to Chicago, but she knew that she had to talk to Carter face to face and tell him that the relationship is over, and that was going to be the hardest thing that she ever had to do.

"I guess you decided it was time to go home," Julie laughed. Abby smiled. "Something like that."

Julie then saw some customers walking into the diner. "I need to go, but don't leave before I say goodbye."

Abby nodded. She picked up her cell phone and saw that there was a message.  After awhile she decided to listen to it.

"Hey Abby, it's me Susan. I know you are probably upset that I told Carter where you were, but I had to. I know that you don't want to be away from him, you love him. Call me back and talk to me, I know there is more to you leaving."

Abby sighed as she put her cell phone back into her bag. Susan was right, she did love Carter, and that is why she had to say goodbye to him. She didn't know how she was going to do it, but she knew that she had to.

She then picked up her phone, and started to dial it.

"This is John Carter. I'm not here right now, please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you."

She hung up the phone.  She couldn't leave a message telling him that she was coming home, but only to break up with him.   She didn't want to do that to him.  She had put him through enough already.

"Abby."

Abby turned around, and saw Julie standing in front of her, holding a paper bag.

"I made you a ham sandwich and some pie. I thought you might be hungry on your way back to Chicago,"

Abby smiled. "Thanks," she said as she grabbed the bag. "I better be going now." Julie walked towards Abby and hugged her. "It was nice knowing you.  If you ever come back to Springfield, come by here and say hi to me." 

Abby smiled. "Of course I will." She grabbed her jacket, waved goodbye to Julie, and left the diner.

Abby was putting her stuff into her car when she started to think of going back to Chicago. 'I don't know if I am doing the right thing going back to Chicago to break up with Carter, but it is what I have to do.  He deserves so much better than me,' she thought to herself as she closed the trunk, got into her car, and drove away.

}}}

Back in the ER,

Carter was sitting in the lounge when Susan walked in. "Hey," she said as she sat down next to him.

"How are you doing?" she asked. He looked up at her. "You don't have to keep asking me.  I'm fine Susan."

"But I know that you miss Abby." Carter stood up. "Yes, I miss her, but there is nothing I can do about it now. She's gone. I have to get on with my life," he said as he left the lounge.

Susan sighed. She knew that Carter was right, that Abby wasn't coming back and he needed to get on with his life, but she knew that Abby was still in love with Carter.  But there was nothing more she could do, it was out of her hands now.

Suddenly Frank walked into the lounge. "Susan, there is someone on line 2 for you."

"Did they say who they were?"

Frank shook his head. "They just asked for you."

Susan smiled. "Thanks," she said as she picked up the phone.

"Hello, this is Dr. Lewis."

"Susan."

"Abby?" Susan asked as she sat down.

"Yes, it's me.  I'm on my way back to Chicago."

"That's great Abby! I know that you would come to your senses and return back to Chicago and Carter."

"No Susan, you got it wrong.  I'm just coming back to Chicago to break up with Carter and say goodbye to everyone, and then I am leaving Chicago for good."

Susan stopped for a moment.  She couldn't believe what she just heard. "Abby, are you sure this is what you want to do?  I know that you love Carter, so why are you doing this to both of you?  John loves you, he wouldn't have come to find you if he didn't."

Abby sighed. "I have made up my mind. I just wanted to call you and see if John is at the hospital still."

"Yes he is. I can go get him and you can tell him what is wrong if you want, because it can't be because you don't love him."

"It is because I love him that I am doing this."

"Abby, that doesn't even make sense!  Talk to me!  Tell me what is bothering you!" Susan replied.

Abby sighed. "You wouldn't understand, Susan.  Trust me."

"You would be surprised."

"I can't talk about this anymore; my time is going to run out on the payphone. I'll be back in Chicago soon."

"Okay," Susan said.

"Just promise me Susan that you won't tell John that I am coming back. I don't want him to know yet since I'm not sure if I am ready to see him tonight."

"I promise.  Call me if you want to talk."

"Thanks, Susan."

"Bye," Susan said as she hung up the phone.

}}}

Abby hung up the payphone, and looked at the sign on the road that said that said Chicago was the next right.

She couldn't do it yet she thought to herself as she sat down on the bench. She opened her purse up, took a cigarette out and started to smoke. How was she going to break up with Carter when she was still in love with him?

She sighed. But Carter deserves better than me, and is what I am helping him realize by breaking up with him.

But I'll always love you and remember the memories, she whispered to herself.

She got up, threw her cigarette on the ground, walked to her car, and drove back to Chicago.

{{{

Later,

Carter was shutting his locker when someone walked in.

"Hey."

He turned around and saw Susan standing in front of him. She smiled. "I'm sorry about earlier when I asked about how you were feeling about Abby leaving."

"I understand that you are just being a good friend, Susan, but there is nothing left I can do," She put her hand on his shoulder. "Everything will be okay, John."

Carter nodded. "I know it will be. I just have to forget about Abby and get on with my life," he said.

Susan walked up to her locker and grabbed her jacket. "You really love her, don't you?" she asked as they walked out of the lounge and headed out of the ER.

"Yes I do, Susan.  I would do anything for her," he said as they walked to Susan's car.

Susan turned to face him. "Just promise me you won't give up on her."

He looked at her. "What do you mean?"

"You will understand some day," she said, as she got into the car and drove away.

{{{

Later,

Carter was walking to his apartment when he started to think about what Susan said.

_"Just promise me you won't give up on her." _

He still didn't understand what Susan meant.  Abby was the one that left, not me. I love her, I would do anything for her, if only I got a second chance, he thought to himself, as he put his keys into his door and opened it.

"Abby?"

To be continued


	9. Chapter 9

Not Alone  
  
Chapter 9  
  
"Abby?"  
  
She turned around and faced Carter.  
  
"What are you doing here?" he asked, as he closed the door. She stood up and walked towards him. "I had to come back."  
  
"I knew that you would come back, Abby. Do you want something to drink?" he asked as he walked towards the kitchen.  
  
Abby followed him. "It's not what you think, I'm not coming back to stay, I just had to come back and tell you this to your face, and then I am leaving town tonight and I'm not coming back this time."  
  
"What are you talking about Abby?"  
  
Abby took a deep breath before she spoke, she didn't know how she was going to say this to Carter. The only thing she could say was. "I'm breaking up with you, John."  
  
"You come all the way to back to Chicago just to tell me that you are breaking up with me? Why?"  
  
"Because you deserve to know," she said, as she walked away from him. He followed her into the living room. "I deserve to know what…that you don't love me anymore? I think I rather have a letter instead."  
  
Abby turned around, and looked at Carter. This was harder than she thought it was going to be, how is she suppose to lie to the one person that been through everything with her?  
  
"I don't love you anymore, John."  
  
He looked at her. "I don't believe you, Abby. I can see that you are lying to me. I know that you still love me."  
  
"Listen John, thank you for everything that you did for me, but I think it is best for us to go our separate ways, I know that you will find someone that really loves you as much as you deserve."  
  
"Why can't that be you?"  
  
Abby shake her head. "Just can't be. I don't love you anymore," Abby repeated again.  
  
"I don't believe that. We can make this work, please. I love you Abby."   
  
Abby walked up to Carter, and touched his shoulder. "I know you don't understand this right now, but this is the best thing for you," she said, as she started to walk away from him.  
  
"Wait, Abby, just answer me one question. Did you ever love me?"  
  
She looked at him. "Of course I did, John, but sometimes relationships don't go as we planned."  
  
Abby grabbed her jacket and put it on. "I should go now, John. I never meant to hurt you this much."  
  
Carter watched as Abby left his apartment, leaving him alone. "I'll never forget you, Abby," he whispered to himself.  
  
{{{  
  
As Abby walked out of his apartment, she started to think about John, and how much she hurt him. She turns back and looked. "This is for your own good, John," she whispered to herself, as she got into her car and drove away.  
  
She got to the hotel, booked a room, walked up the stairs, and opened the door to her new home. She put her stuff on the bed and layed down on it.  
  
She turned on her phone and checked the messages. There was one from Susan, asking how it went with Carter and if they were back together.  
  
_I can't phone Susan, and explain to her that I broke up with Carter, she would never understand,_ Abby thought to herself. I don't ever understand myself why I did it, but it was the best thing for John. He deserves better than me, and that is what I am giving him.  
  
She then pulled something out of her bag. It was a picture of her and Carter together a few months ago. She touched the picture. "You were the best thing in my life; I will always love you.  
  
"Goodbye John," she said, as she threw the picture away in the trash can.  
  
The next day,  
  
Susan was on her couch when there was a knock at the door. She got up and opened it. "Abby!"  
  
Abby looked at Susan. "Can I come in?"  
  
Susan nodded. "Sure"  
  
Abby walked into the apartment.  
  
"Would you like something to drink?" Susan asked, as she walked over to the kitchen. Abby nodded. "Coffee would be great," she said, as she took off her jacket.  
  
"I thought you left town last night?" Susan asked, as she came over to Abby and handed the coffee to her.  
  
"How did you know that?"  
  
Susan sat down next to Abby on the couch. " I talked to Carter this morning, and he told me that you came over last night, broke up with him, and was leaving town right after you talked to him."  
  
"He also told me something very interesting that you told him, that you didn't love him anymore, but I know that isn't true."  
  
"It is true," Abby replied.  
  
"Then explain why you are still here in Chicago if you don't love John anymore."  
  
Abby got up from the couch, and walked away from Susan. She went into the kitchen and sat down on a stool.  
  
"Because I want to say bye to you before I leave, and it was too late last night to see you."  
  
Susan followed her. "You are lying to me."  
  
"Lying about what?"  
  
"You didn't stay here because you want to say goodbye to me, you are staying because you still love John."  
  
"Why would you think that? I already told you that I don't love John anymore. How many more times do I have to tell you?"  
  
"You can tell me over and over again, but I will not believe you. It's obvious, Abby. I can see that you still love him."  
  
Abby didn't know what to say to that. Susan was right. She did still love John, but she just has to forget about it. It's easy, right? To fall out of love?  
  
Susan looked at Abby. "Talk to me. Tell me the real reason that you broke up with Carter."  
  
"I told you!"  
  
"Why did you come over here if you didn't want to tell me, Abby?"  
  
Abby stood up. "I came to see you before I left town, but I'll leave now," she said as she grabbed her jacket.  
  
"Don't," Susan called out. "I just don't want you to regret your decision. Carter won't wait for you forever."  
  
Abby turned around. "Fine. I love John more than you ever know. I never stopped loving him. Is that what you want to hear?"  
  
"Yes, Abby. I don't want you to lie to me anymore. Now tell me exactly why you are doing this?"  
  
"I can't, you won't understand," Abby replied.  
  
"You would be surprised," Susan said, as she led Abby to the couch.  
  
Susan and Abby both were silent. So Susan decided to start the conversation. "So why are you breaking up with Carter if you still love him?" Susan prodded.  
  
"It because I love him so much that I broke up with him."  
  
Susan looked at her. "You know that doesn't make sense."  
  
Abby took a deep breath. "It all started the day that I had to go to Omaha to deal with Eric."  
  
"Didn't Carter go there to be with you?"  
  
Abby nodded. "Carter was so kind. He's been there every time my family has a problem, but I couldn't be with him anymore. I would have to drop anything to deal with my family, but what happens if John and I get married, and Eric or Maggie did something that I had to fix, how could I choose with one… do I stay with John or deal with my family?"  
  
"I never told you about my sister Chloe, did I?"  
  
"No, I have heard some stuff."  
  
"Well just I had my own share of family problems, you see my sister Chloe was a drug addict, I have to clean up her mess all the time. There was one time that I had to look after my niece for a few months."  
  
"You didn't mind doing it?" Abby asked.  
  
Susan looked at Abby. "I love Susie. But my sister never learned. She said that she'd stop doing drugs, but then she started again."  
  
"Do you still clean up after her messes?"  
  
Susan shook her head. "After my sister lost Susie in New York City, and I had to go and find her, I realized that I couldn't clean up my sister's messes all the time."  
  
"Do you still hear from your sister?" Abby asked. Susan looked at Abby. "The last time I heard from her, she was clean."  
  
"Why are you telling me all this Susan?"  
  
Susan glanced at Abby. "I know that you broke up with Carter because you didn't want him to become second best in your life, but you have to realize that you can't keep on cleaning up your family messes. You have to get on with your life."  
  
Abby stood up. "Thank you for telling me this, but I have to really getting going Susan. I just wanted to say goodbye," Abby said, as she hugged Susan. "You've been a great friend."  
  
Susan looked at Abby. "Are you still going to leave?"  
  
Abby nodded. "I know that you want Carter and me to get back together, but that isn't going to happen."  
  
"Where are you staying tonight?" Susan asked. Abby turned around. "Motel 6,"  
  
"And then you are leaving Chicago for good?"  
  
Abby nodded. "Yes I am."  
  
"Call me when you get to whenever you are going."  
  
Abby nodded and waved goodbye to Susan.  
  
The next morning,  
  
Carter woke up and saw that there was a message on his answering machine. He hit the button and listened.  
  
Hi John, it's Susan. I need to talk to you. Please call me.  
  
Carter wondered why Susan wanted to talk to him. He picked up the phone and called Susan.  
  
"Hey John, why didn't you call me before?" Susan asked.  
  
"I had a late shift, and I didn't check my messages. What's wrong? Is everything okay?" he asked.  
  
"I can't tell you on the phone, I'll be at your place in 15 minutes."  
  
Carter sighed. "Sure," he said, as he hung up the phone.  
  
}}  
  
A while later,  
  
Susan showed up at Carter's place. She knew that she shouldn't be doing this, but she had to, this was the only way. She knocked on the door.  
  
"John," she said, as she walked in.  
  
"What is so important that you need to see me?"  
  
Susan looked at Carter. "Abby still loves you,"  
  
"Where did you get that information? Abby just told me that she doesn't love me anymore."  
  
Susan looked at Carter. "Abby come over to my place last night and told me everything about why she broke up with you, and it is not because she doesn't love you."  
  
"Then why? Tell me Susan."  
  
Susan shook her head. "I can't tell you, that is up to Abby."  
  
"Then why did you call me, if you aren't going to tell me?" Carter asked.  
  
Susan looked at Carter. "I just thought you would like to know," she said, as she started to walk away, and then she turned around. " She was at the Motel 6 last night, but I don't know if she is still there."  
  
{{{  
  
Carter walked towards the hotel. He didn't know if she was still there, but he needed to talk to her.  
  
He then saw Abby coming out of the hotel. "Abby?!" She turned around.  
  
"Carter, what are you doing here?"  
  
"I need to talk to you."  
  
"But haven't we talked about everything?" Abby replied as she started to move away from Carter.  
  
"No, Abby, we haven't, but we are now. We're going to get it sorted out before you leave. I know that you still love me."

Abby slowly set her suitcase on the ground and looked up at Carter. His eyes burned into hers, asking questions he couldn't vocalize, reading her answers. She stared back at him, at a loss for words. Now what.To be continued!!! 


	10. Chapter 10

**Not Alone**

Chapter 10

Author's Note: Sorry it took so long for me to update this story, I totally forgot about this story, but I'm back now!

Abby looked at Carter, what was she going to say to him, she couldn't lie to him again, now that he knew that she still loves him. Abby sighed. But how did he know how she feels about him, but then suddenly she realized who told him.. Susan.

"John, I can't do this, I have to go," she said as she picked up her suitcase. Carter grabbed her hand. "Just talk to me, and if you want to still leave town, I'm not going to stop you,"

Abby looked at him. "Fine, I'll talk to you for a few minutes, but don't think anything you say is going to change my mind," she said.

"I know," Carter replied. "There is a diner nearby, why don't we go and get some coffee and talk,"

Abby nodded, and followed Carter to the diner. She didn't know what she was going to do, she did everything that she did for a reason, and having coffee with Carter wasn't going to change her mind, was it?

"Are you coming, Abby?"

"I'm coming,"

Carter glanced at Abby. They entered the diner, grabbed a booth, and sat down.

"Why did you lie to me?"

(((

Abby looked into Carter's eyes, and she saw both anger and confusion.

"I didn't want to lie to you, but that was the only way"

"The only way!" Carter replied. "What are you talking about? Did our relationship not mean anything to you; you know that you don't need to lie to me, tell me everything,"

Abby looked at Carter, she wanted to tell him everything, but then everything she did would have been for nothing. Suddenly the waitress came to ask what they wanted, so she didn't say anything to Carter.

"A coffee, please," they both told the waitress, as she walked away from them.

"So Susan is telling the truth, and you did lie and you still love me?" Carter replied.

Abby looked at Carter, and suddenly she said the one thing that she promised herself that she wouldn't. "I do still love you,"

Carter looked at Abby with shock written on his face. "Then why did you lie to me, Abby, if you still love me,"

Abby started to play with her napkin, Carter then placed his hand gently on top of hers and entwined them. "Talk to me, don't lie to me,"

As Abby looked into Carter's eyes, she could tell that he was telling the truth, but she still wasn't sure if she was ready to tell him why she did everything.

Abby took a deep breath before she spoke. "Everything started the day that I went to Omaha to deal with Eric, and you came there to help me. It meant everything to me that you came to be with me, but I realized a few weeks later, that I'm always going to have to put my family first and I love you too much to make you have to go through that. You deserve someone that has you as their number one priority."

"Abby, why didn't you tell me you feel this way. I know that your family is important, I would never expect anything less from you."

"But my family isn't just any family."

Carter squeezed tightly onto Abby's hand. "I love you, Abby Lockhart, I don't want someone different, I want you,"

"John, you aren't even listening to me, I broke up with you because I didn't want you to deal with my family. Just leave John while you still can,"

"No, Abby, you aren't listening to me, if you told me this before you broke up with me, you would have known that I want to be with you no matter what."

"John, it doesn't matter anymore, just forget about me. I'll never forget about you, I'll remember all the good times," Carter looked up at her. "I know that you are afraid, but you have to realize that you don't need to do this, I love you," he said as he leaned over and kissed her.

"Don't do this, John; don't make this any harder than it has to be," she replied, as she moved away from him.

"Don't do this to us…" Carter yelled.

Abby turned around. "There is no us anymore. I am leaving." Carter grabbed a hold of her hand. "You love me, Abby; you don't want to do this."

"I'm doing this because I love you. You will forget about me one day, and it would be like we were never together."

Carter stood up, and grabbed a hold of her hand. "Let's go," She looked up at him with this confused look on her face. "Are you listening to me? It's over."

"Not yet," he said. "Come with me now. You trust me, don't you?"

She looked up at him, of course she trusts him, but this isn't why she broke up with him, it is because she isn't good enough for him.

"Fine, I'll come with you, but then that is it," she responded, not knowing if she was doing the right thing.

((

"So where are we going?" she asked him in the car.

"You'll find out soon enough," he said, as he approached the hospital. "Why are we going to County?"

"If you want to end our relationship, I want you to remember where our relationship began, the first time we kissed in the exam room"

"I can't believe you, John, _you _would do this. It is not because I don't remember the love we shared; I told you it just I can't be with you." Abby shouted, as she walked out of the hospital.

"Wait Abby..." he yelled as he run after her. She turned around. "Leave me alone."

"I can't do that, Abby, not when I know you are making the biggest mistake of your life,"

"No, my biggest mistake was being with you, John. I knew from the beginning that we weren't made for each other, but I thought just maybe I could be happy."

"You can be happy if you let yourself, we can be happy together," Carter replied, as he grabbed a hold of her, holding onto her tightly. She looked into his eyes; she could see that he was telling the truth. She wanted more than anything to tell him that she wanted to be happy with him, but she couldn't.

She moved her hand away from his. "I can't stay anymore, I have to go," Abby responded. "And please don't follow me," she said, as she walked away from Carter.

He stood there in shock; he didn't know what else he could do. Suddenly he heard Susan's voice. "I just saw Abby running off, she didn't say one word to me, what happened?

"I think I just lost the best woman that I have ever been with."

((

Carter and Susan were sitting in the lounge. "I tried everything, I told Abby that I love her, but it didn't help, she stills thinks that she isn't good enough for me, because of her family,"

Susan could see how upset Carter was. "You really love her, don't you?"

"Of course I do, Susan. She is the best thing in my life. I just wish she would understand that."

Susan smiled. "I think she knows it, Carter she's just scared." he stood up. "Well, I should go."

Susan hugged Carter. "I'm so sorry, I thought if you found Abby that you would be able make her change her mind."

"I thought so too," Carter replied as he walked out of the lounge.

Carter was walking down the river when he saw her sitting on the bench. He walked up to her. "I thought you would be gone,"

She looked up at him. "John, I couldn't leave, I've been sitting here thinking about us, and everything that we have been through. Remember when you told me right here how you felt about me, when I was still with Luka,"

Carter smiled at the memory, as he sat down next to her. "I know you're really confused right now, with everything that you are going through with your family."

"See that's the thing, Maggie called me yesterday and told me that Eric is on his meds and is doing well. I'm just scared if I get on with my life something is going to happen with my family, and I am going to need go deal with it, and I wouldn't want to do that to you, or to whoever I am with."

Carter hugged Abby. "I will be there for you no matter what."

"Well I'll let you go, you probably need to get ready to leave." he said as he stood up.

"Wait, John, I'm not leaving, I'm staying here. Chicago is my home; my friends are here, my job…" Abby replied, _You're here, she thought to herself._

He stood there in shock, Abby was staying, and everything would be okay. He hugged her. "I'm so happy that you're staying." She looked at him. " Carter, I still need time to figure everything out, I can't be with you right now."

"I understand, Abby.. we'll just take it slow.. we will just be friends for now." he said.

He wanted to be with her more than anything, but he would take what he could get, if being her friend is all he could have right now, then that is what he will be, her friend.


	11. Chapter 11

Not Alone

Chapter 11

It has been 3 months since Abby decided to stay in Chicago and that her and Carter were going to just be friends. She wanted more than anything to be more than friends again, but she couldn't.

"It is hard isn't it?" Susan replied, as she looked at Abby watching Carter. Abby turned around.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Abby lied. Susan laughed. "I see the way you look at him everyday, how long do you think you are going to be able to do this.. just be friends with him?"

"Susan… I thought you understood my decision,"

"I do, Abby, but I'm just saying that I can see that you still love him, do you really just want to be his friend?" she asked. Abby looked at Susan. "I can't talk about this right now,"

Carter walked out of the exam room. "Hey Abby, are you on break?"

Abby nodded.

"Do you want to Docs for some coffee?"

"Sure, that sounds great," Abby said, looking at Susan. "Bye Susan. "

((

Abby and Carter were sitting in Doc Magoos, when she looked up at him. "John, I know this is hard for you, just being my friend, but I really appreciate you understanding my decision."

He placed his hand on hers. "Of course I do, Abby,"

He looked at her. "I think there is something you should know." Abby smiled. "Yeah, John?"

"Well, I'm going out for dinner with this woman from pediatrics."

Abby moved her hand away from Carters. "You're going on a date,"

"I wouldn't say it is a date, I'm just having dinner with this woman." Carter explained. "But it's not like we're together anymore,"

"You're right John, you can go out with anybody you want, I'm happy for you," she told him.

He looked at her. "Abby, I just didn't want you to find out from someone else,"

Abby nodded. "Its fine, John, like you said, we aren't together anymore, and I can't tell you who to date." He could see that she was upset. "Abby," he said, as he grabbed her hand."

"John, please just forget about it, I should be heading back to the ER," she said, as she stood up.

"Abby.. wait," 

"I said I'm fine, I'll see you later." she said, as she hurried out of the diner. She turned around and looked at Carter. She didn't know why she got so upset; she was the one that broke up with him. _But I guess it's because I still love him, and don't want to see him with anybody else, she thought to herself_, as she walked back into the ER.

((

Later that evening,

Carter was in the lounge when Susan walked in. "I hear you got a date tonight?"

Carter turned around. "It's not a date, I'm just going out with dinner with Linda from pediatrics,"

Susan laughed. "It's a date, John; I don't care what you say." Carter closed his locker. "What do you expect me to do? Do you want me to wait for Abby for the rest of my life? I know she loves me, but she just can't be with me. I have to get on with my life,"

"Do you really think that it's fair to Linda if you are only going out with her to get over Abby?" Susan asked. Carter sighed. "I have to, Susan. Of course I want to be with Abby, but I can't, and I have to deal with it.

"So you're telling me you don't love Abby anymore?" Susan questioned Carter. Carter moved towards the couch, and sat down. "I love Abby, and I always will. I want to be with her, I would do anything to be with her again, but I know I can't, I have to move on,"

Suddenly Abby came into the lounge. "John," she said. He looked up at her. "Abby,"

She walked towards her locker and opened it. "I should explain myself," Carter replied as he walked up to her. Susan knew the two of them needed some time alone, and left the lounge.

"You don't need to explain yourself, John, I know that you need to move on, I've moved on too"

Carter was taken back by what she said; he didn't know that she would move on as well.

She leaned over and hugged him. "John, you were the best thing in my life, I will never forget what you did for me." 

"Well I should be going now, goodnight Abby," he said, as he walked out of the lounge. She watched him leave the room; she knew this was the best thing for the both of them, but then why did she feel so bad? Why did she felt like a part of her was missing since she broke up with Carter? She sighed. She had to forget about Carter, she could never be with him again. She would love him always, but she has to stop thinking about him.

((

Later that evening,

"Susan, I'm not going to get back together with Carter, how many times do I need to tell you why I broke up with him and that we are only friends?" Abby explained.

Susan laughed over the phone. "I know the reasons Abby, but I have seen the way the two of you look at each other, you are definitely still in love with each other. He misses being with you, I know."

"I can't be with him, not now or ever," Abby said.

"Abby, he is on a date right now, and that doesn't bother you one bit, so you're telling me you wouldn't care if he and this woman fell in love, had kids and live happy ever after,"

"I'm not talking about this."

Susan laughed. "You are jealous,"

"No, I'm not jealous," Abby replied.

"Of course you are, you told Carter that you moved on. He is going to think that you are dating someone,"

"Maybe that is what he needs to hear so he can move on. I just can't talk about this anymore, I have to go Susan."

"Abby… "

"Susan.. I got to go,"

"Just don't take too long. It might be too late if you do. He won't wait for you forever."

"Goodbye," Abby said, as she hung up the phone.

A few hours later,

_He won't wait for you forever_

That is all that Abby could think as she was lying in her bed, she knew that Susan was right and he wouldn't wait for her forever. She sat up in bed, and sighed. "Oh, what I am supposed to do,"

She got of bed, and she started to get dressed. She knew exactly what she had to do.

((

Abby waited patiently as she waited for him to open the door. " Abby?" he said. She looked up at him. "I'm sure that I've come at a bad time and that your date is probably in there with you, but I need to talk to you now,"

"Abby.."

"No, John, I need to talk to you now, this is about our future,"


	12. Chapter 12

Not Alone

Chapter 12

"Our future? I didn't think we had one." Carter replied, with a confused look on his face. Abby looked at him. "Can I come in, or is your date still here?" she asked.

"Why does it matter to you if my date is here or not, we're friends remember?" he said, as she walked into his apartment.

She looked at him. "I want to be more than friends."

Carter looked at her. "Abby, you know you don't want that."

"You don't know what I want." Abby said with a grin. "I know that you won't wait for me forever, I love you, John, and I want to be with you."

He looked at her with a shocked look. "You told me that you wanted to just be friends, so what changed your mind?"

She grabbed hold of his hand. "John, I was scared, I didn't want you to be in a relationship where you didn't know if your girlfriend had to go clean up a mess that her mom or brother did."

"So what's changed?" Carter asked her. She looked at him. "I'm still as scared as I was before, but I realize I don't want anybody else to have you, John, I love you, and only you, I don't know what the future is going to bring, but we have to deal with it together. You can deal with my family, right?"

He glanced at her. "What makes you think that I want to be with you?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "I didn't even think about that, I'm sorry, John, just forgot that I was here." She said, as she was starting to leave the apartment, he grabbed a hold of her. "You aren't going anywhere, I love you, Abby, and I'm glad that you've finally come to your senses. We'll deal with whatever comes our way, if it means I have to deal with your mom and brother all the time, I want to be with you, and only you."

"So what about your date? Won't she wonder why you aren't calling her back?" Abby said, with a grin.

"The date didn't even last an hour, I couldn't stop thinking about you, Abby." he said, as he leaned over and kissed her and led her to the bedroom.

))

A few hours later,

Abby laid in Carter's arms, she looked up at him. "I'm sorry about everything." He looked at her. "You have nothing to be sorry about, I know that you were scared to be in a relationship because of your family, but you don't have to be scared anymore, I'll be with you no matter what."

She smiled. "I know you will. I just had to figure that out myself, I've got to realize that I have to get on with my life, my family isn't always going to need my help."

He put his arms around her. "I love you, Abby, always will."

"I love you, Carter," she said, as she leaned over and kissed him.

((

The next day,

Carter and Abby were walking to work. "You know Susan's going to be so happy about us getting back together, she's the one that made me realize that I need to really think about us."

"Did someone call my name?" Susan said, as she walked up to them. She could see how happy they were. "You guys are back together aren't you?"

Abby smiled as she turned around. "Yes we are," she said, as she put her arms around Carter. "I couldn't be happier."

"I'm happy for both of you." Susan said, as she hugged them back. "It took you both long enough to realize that you still love each other."

"Yes I know." Abby replied. "But we're back together, that is all that matters." Carter nodded. "I don't know how long I waited for you."

"You would have waited as long as you could, John." Susan said.

"I guess you are right," Carter said, as he leaned over and kissed Abby.

((

Many years later,

Abby was sitting in the living room, looking at her photo album, she couldn't believe how far her and Carter have come since that night that she got back together with him, when she realized that she couldn't be scared anymore to be with him.

She looked at a picture of her and Carter's wedding day, 3 years ago. She was happier than she had ever been before, and this time the marriage was going to work. Carter sat down next to her. "What are you looking at?"

She smiled. "Pictures of our wedding day."

"You looked so beautiful that day, Abby," he said, as he leaned over and kissed her. "You didn't look too bad yourself. I never knew I could be this happy."

"You make me so happy too, you and our daughter." he said with a smile. Abby smiled at Carter. "I never thought that I would have a child because of the manic depression, my mom and brother have, but being with you made me realize that I want to have a child. She looks so much like you." Abby said, as they walked up to the nursery and watched her sleep. Carter put his arms around her. "I think she looks exactly like her mother, beautiful," he said, as he leaned over and kissed her.

Then the baby started to cry. Abby walked up to the crib, and picked her up. Abby smiled at Carter. "I think Melissa wants her daddy."

"Da Da." Melissa said. Carter smiled as he picked up his daughter. He looked at her with this smile on his face. "I love the both of you, you two are everything to me," he said, as he put his arms around Abby.

Abby and Carter walked into the living room. Abby watched as Carter was playing with Melissa, and she realized something that day, she finally got everything that she wanted, a great husband, and a great family, she was definitely not alone anymore.

The End


End file.
